Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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