I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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