If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize