We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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