She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
