Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
honey bunches of taint.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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