HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
