i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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