I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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