successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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