don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
So. Much. Porn.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
