I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
