I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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