Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
