i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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