If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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