Whatcha textin bout Willis?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
cat food counts as protein by the way
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
