She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
