it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
