This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
