it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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