i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
