Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
