I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
