So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
