why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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