Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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