I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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