It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My bed smells like the plague
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
