i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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