my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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