You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
