dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
