Screwed.edu
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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