just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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