i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
