I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
