I want to make a zoo with you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
