What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
