been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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