you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
