I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
