Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
