i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
