the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
