Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
