So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
