I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
