I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
