Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
