we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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