Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize