so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have feelings that need drinking.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
