he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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