The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
