i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
