Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
