dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
