no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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