please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
