Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
