she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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