i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Houston, we have a blender
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
