Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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