The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
