we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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