Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
