How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So many bounce houses so little time
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
