we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My bed smells like the plague
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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