he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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