Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
