..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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