I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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