meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
