I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
