guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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