I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
