This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
