I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
