What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
