I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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