We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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