I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
