HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
