I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
