You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
