So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
