rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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