she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize